Compromising traditions

Compromising for the holidays is a huge challenge, especially between me and Stephen. We have different ideas, traditions, and backgrounds, but are equally stubborn about our own ideas being the way that it is supposed to be. Thankfully, we are getting quite skilled at compromise and communication.

Last night we had one of these conversations. We were talking about plans for Christmas dinner at our place. The disagreement started with him not understanding why I was having problems with him wanting to eat dinner sitting on the couch instead of at the table. The more we talked about it, the more each of us realized how we really felt about it. It wasn't about whether or not anyone would be "allowed" to eat from the couch. His concern was that I am going to go all Martha Stewart and make the dinner too fancy. He wants low key; family just hanging out and having fun. I want that too, but I want to make it special. But the things that I do to make holiday occasions special (decoration touches, nice place settings, etc) are what he means by "too fancy".

So... the most important thing is that we realized we do want the same overall thing: spending time with family, socializing and having fun. We just differ on the level of acceptable fanciness.

I asked if I could still have my nice centerpiece on the table and candle decorations on the porch. He said no.

I said that I refused to budge on the quality of food. He said that he wouldn't ask me to do that.

So I asked him what we could do to help him feel better about the whole thing.

The compromise: paper plates. I agreed that we can have paper plates and napkins for Christmas dinner to take down the fanciness. He agreed that I can pick whichever plates I want... and that everyone will be sitting at the table.

Now, I love my husband. Tons and tons. I love him enough to put up with his snoring and his video games. I loved him enough to have his child. But paper plates for Christmas dinner? Wow... that's love.