So far I've managed to keep my emotions down about Catherine's upcoming birthday. Yes, it's amazing that she's turning one. Wow, I can't believe it's been a year. Yes, many memories to cherish and many more to come. But I'm tough - I'm a mom, I can take it.
Not so fast. What finally broke me was seeing a date printed on plain paper. The date - 2/2/08 - was printed on my work schedule. I've seen the date several times - on tax documents, her medical information, prescriptions. But I've seen it as 2/2/07 - the day my baby was born. Seeing the date as 2/2/08, it hit me that it really has been a whole year. A year - a WHOLE year!
Mind you, all of this came flooding to me at work, and the 4 foot cubicle walls surrounding my desk don't provide privacy for a breakdown. So I managed to hold it. Then on the way home I heard a sentimental mother-daughter song on the radio. Curses! And the tears came.
Suddenly, I want the last year back. I want my tiny baby back who would sleep for such a long time cuddled up to me. I want the time back when I could lay her down in one spot to play and I knew she wouldn't move because she couldn't. I want the time back when I could carry her around in that cute little carrier. I want the time back when I was watching her closely to catch the moment of her first smile. Come to think of it, I want all of the firsts back because I want to see them all over again.
But I can't. The last year is gone. I know we have so many years to look forward to. But suddenly I see the day when I will have to let her go, and I can't bear the thought. I hope that she takes all 17 years to let her mom get used to the fact that she will leave someday. I hope that she doesn't grow up too fast. She already has.
The song that made me cry: (moms get out your tissues; if you're not a parent, understand that this is how your parents feel about you and how you will also feel about your own kids someday - I promise)
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I'm weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes
And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am
And what we'll be
And though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you'll see
How happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes
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2 comments:
Ya gotta love Martina McBride. I, too, have misted over hearing that song. I am sure your Mom has, too.
A year sure does go by quickly.
Much love,
Auntie Karen
Hey hon, I don't know what to say except there are so many adventures to be had with your sweet girl! She is bright, capable, and full of love for her mommy and daddy.
I can only imagine how you're feeling and don't hesitate to rely on those that love you. We're all here for you during this big transition!
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