It's a question that constantly comes up when you're a mom. So I've been thinking about this: how do you reassure yourself that you're a good mom? Especially now that I'm experiencing being a mother of a (gasp) toddler! When she throws a fit, or she runs away from me, appearing to throw caution to the wind, or I leave her in someone else's care and walk away even though I can hear her crying... these are times when I do not feel like a good mom. But as any mom knows, it's a learning process - you learn by trial and error what works and what doesn't.
I had an experience this morning with Catherine. Most Sunday mornings we go to the store together to get the Sunday paper and coffee (the coffee is for me, not for her!). Since she's started walking more, I let her walk on her own when I feel it's safe enough. I'm teaching her that if she wants to walk on her own, she needs to hold my hand when I tell her, and if she doesn't want to hold my hand then I pick her up and carry her. This morning she let me hold her hand all the way to the sidewalk, and because I deemed it safe enough, I let her walk on her own after we got out of the parkling lot. She climbed up the curb all by herself and then crawled for a little bit, which was kind of cute. She got up and ran over to the table and chair that were outside to check them out and then ran towards the store entrance. Not a problem - typical for her. I was right there and she was having fun. But I got some weird looks... the kind of looks that said "how awful - she's letting her toddler run around like mad - she should control her child better". Normally I don't let this get to me, but I started to doubt what I was doing.
Skip to this afternoon - I'm working and looking through some general information about toddlers on babycenter. And I find an article offering advice on toddler's impulses to run away. In the article they discuss why toddlers are prone to doing it - it's boosting their sense of independence and they love that thrill of freedom. And in reading all of the tips for dealing with it, my responses are "yeah, I do that" "well of course" and "sure, that works sometimes" to many of what was listed. Wahoo! And I figured it out all on my own, just knowing her and responding to what she needs!
But my favorite part: it gave me confidence that I am on the right track, letting her be on her own when she is safe and close by. I have no problems helping to boost her independence and confidence - I am at the same time teaching her that it is not always OK and she needs to look to me or her daddy for direction about when it is OK. At least that's my goal. My hope. Oh... we'll see. Every day is new.
By the way... it's not like I base my parenting on what I find on the internet - but I agree with much of what is on the site and I trust the content... and let's face it - we moms need confidence anywhere we can find it some days!
Ah... life with a toddler.
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4 comments:
Don't let the looks or glares get you down. Is Catherine happy? Is she clean? Is she loving? Are you happy? BECAUSE THE ANSWER IS YES TO ALL OF THIS, you are a good mom. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, looks at the way others parent their children and think "I can do alot better than that person." You do what feels comfortable to you at that time. It will change from one situation to the next, and who cares what people think.
If you think you get stares now, wait till Catherine wants to dress herself. LOL. Natalie is wearing a princess pirate shirt (Skull and bones wearing a tiara) With huge pink pants and lime green crocs. She looks hot!
Good luck YOU AWESOME MOMMY
Brie,
You are right, you can't parent based on a book or an internet site. BUT, you do the best that you can and, as family time said, if Catherine is happy, clean, loving, and if you are happy, don't worry about what anyone else says or does.
One thing I tell all new parents...Catherine will be the age she is today for only one day. Once it is gone, it is gone forever. Give her all the time and all the love you can. As she gets older, stay involved. This means giving up a lot of your own time. Do it anyway (and tell Stephen he needs to do this, too). Your children will remember all the time you gave them and they, in turn, will be better people and better parents when the time comes.
If I could do it all over again I would do more for Mike and Shari.
Remember, you can sleep when you're dead (HAHA).
Much love,
Aunt Karen
ahhh, computers!!!
I'll try this again.
Brie,
you are doing FANTASTIC JOB with Catherine, but I know how you're feeling. I remember feeling some of those feelings too. if Catherine is happy, clean, and healthy let her explore. she's headstrong (like her Momma!) but you just follow your instincts and you'll do fine. K?
I love you, Mom
Seems to me that a lot of the people who scowl at parents don't even have children themselves and don't know the first thing about parenting. Also, they're probably thinking more about what is best for them and not what is best for the child. I for one, am NOT from the children are to be seen and not heard camp. How is a child ever supposed to learn how to negotiate the world without a little independence to interact with it and make some choices as long as you are right there to control the environment and keep her safe. If these catty adults don't want to be exposed to toddlers than they can stay home. It's their problem not yours and certainly not Catherine's.
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