bitch whine rant

It's one of those days when you're moping around being miserable and you look down... and your shoe is untied. And suddenly you let loose with curses: "Can't anything go right today?"

For me, it started last night... well, maybe earlier this week. I've been stressed and tired, and all 3 of us have various forms of the same cold. For me, it's all in my sinuses and I'm soooo tired all the time. But I'm desperately trying to save my strength and my voice for this weekend, for what will most likely be the biggest event in my choral experience. And worrying about Catherine being sick is never good (she's better now, but she has an upper respiratory infection).

But then last night... OK, it's a little petty and not related at all to other stuff going on this week. But my Irish rockstar got voted off AI last night. The dull dreadlocks dude? Safe. The blonde chick who seriously screwed up her performance? Oh yeah, she's safe too. But my favorite? Nope, she's gone.

Like I said - not really that big of a deal, I realize that. But then everything else. Like how many times can I possibly be let down by friends this week? This is really starting to piss me off. I realize that I've been so involved with my family that I can barely stick my finger in anything else. But I'm trying. And I care. And it's been all this week - I feel like there's a conspiracy with everyone against me. What the hell? And what the hell am I supposed to do? Take a hint that I need to stop trying?

And I'm realizing it's not just this week. This is just an accumulation of what I've been feeling over the last months.

I just don't know what to do any more.

But it's not all friends. And it's not all the time. I'm old enough that I have learned that most friendships come and go, and even the ones that you are lucky enough to have hold on have their ebbs and flows. I suppose I'm just in the middle of several ebbs, and others I may need to be ready to just let go.

I'm in need for a serious mood lifter. Some restored hope in friendships. Some support and love in what I am doing in life. Is that too much to ask for? Well, probably.

Have you ever been addicted to something? Smoking, for instance. And you're quitting, but you have a bad day, so you give in and light up. Yeah, my addiction is bad food. So I'm going to get back to my chocolate ice cream now.

Hopefully I haven't brought your day down as bad as mine is. Don't feel bad for me. I'll feel better eventually.